We have been particularly encouraging our child to have an independent opinion and not to follow the crowd on anything, which is consistent with the factual attitude we have been cultivating in her as a human being, that is, to look at an issue sincerely and as highly as possible at all times and in all situations, rather than just conforming to the ideas of others or to a certain custom. This is actually developing her critical consciousness.
When Yuan Yuan was in the fifth grade, the teacher gave only one answer when she talked about why we should respect the elderly: because the elderly made contributions to the country when they were young. When Yuan Yuan mentioned this to me at home, she said with some disapproval, "Some older people were thieves when they were young!"
I can understand Yuan Yuan's thoughts, she thought that in addition to those who have made contributions to society should be respected, there are elderly people who misbehaved when they were young, but when they are old, as an ordinary person and a vulnerable person, we should also give him the respect he deserves. But at the age of Yuan Yuan, she couldn't analyze too much, she just intuitively thought that the teacher was a bit biased.
I really appreciated the child's view. Her small heart had transcended the utilitarian way of thinking that people often have for many years and started to think in a human caring spirit and compassion, which is really commendable. So I talked with Yuan Yuan for a while about this issue. I affirmed her ideas, helped her to sort out her thoughts, and made her realize more clearly that respecting others is a most basic attitude of being human, not a quid pro quo act; and that there are different levels of respect - to those who have contributed to society and the country, to give reverence and love type of respect; to a prisoner, also to to a prisoner as a human being, and even to an animal.
We have been particularly encouraging our child to have an independent opinion and not to follow others in anything, which is consistent with the factual attitude we have been fostering in her as a human being, i.e. to look at an issue sincerely and as highly as possible at all times and in all situations, rather than just conforming to the ideas of others or to a certain custom. This is actually developing her critical consciousness.
It has been said that the critical spirit is one of the important signs of human civilization, and that the development of nature and human society is a grand process of criticism. It can be seen from Darwin's theory of biological evolution that the development of living things is precisely from the constant criticism of themselves. The Western education sector pays more and more attention to the cultivation of students' critical thinking skills, and considers critical thinking as an inseparable part of learning, and classifies it as one of the two aspects of thinking together with "problem solving". For primary and secondary school students, especially elementary school students, the development of critical consciousness does not necessarily require the child to come up with new ideas, but rather to be bold enough to speak his or her mind in the first place. The most typical example of this is for the child to dare to question something the teacher says or does. Because teachers are the first "authority" children encounter, children naturally admire and fear teachers. In daily life, parents should tell their children through their attitudes towards certain things that they should respect their teachers and have a sense of equality, not be afraid or blindly worship them, and have the courage to say that they are wrong when they are wrong.
An old classmate of mine told me about this incident.
When her son was in second grade, there was a new language teacher. The language teacher in the first grade was a man, but this time it was a woman. When the female teacher gave the children their first lesson, she said she wanted to "inspire students to be observant" and asked them to tell the difference between themselves and the previous male teacher. The children said that the new teacher had long hair and the previous teacher had short hair; the new teacher had double eyelids and the previous teacher had single eyelids; the new teacher wore glasses and the previous male teacher did not; some children even noticed that the new teacher had a mole at the corner of his mouth and the previous teacher did not. My friend's son raised his hand from the beginning. He had noticed many differences between the two teachers and kept his hand raised high, but the teacher never called him. Seeing that what he had discovered had been finished by other students, the boy was anxious as hell. When the students had nothing more to say, the boy suddenly remembered one more difference and raised his hand high again. The teacher called him up and the boy said, "You're a woman, you don't have a penis, the previous teacher had a penis."
The class laughed and the teacher was very upset. After class the teacher called the child to the office and criticized him severely, saying that he had a bad consciousness and unhealthy thoughts.
The child felt very aggrieved and went home to ask his mother what she meant by "bad sense". The mother, on hearing this, did not feel that there was anything wrong with the child, but said: you brat, how to be in the head of these crooked ideas, you say so, the teacher can not be angry, deserve the teacher to criticize you, from now on can not be so rude to the teacher!
My classmate just told me this as a funny story, and I was also amused by the little boy's words, but I regret what the teacher and mother did, thinking that they missed an opportunity to develop their children's creative thinking and daring to express themselves, pulling them one step closer to mediocre thinking and false thinking.
Our schooling or homeschooling has been raising "good kids" for a long time. At home, parents represent "right" and demand that their children "do as they are told"; at school, teachers represent "authority" and do not allow students to be "different. At school, teachers represent "authority" and do not allow students to be "different". Many children are accused of being thoughtless and lacking creativity when they grow up, but in their intellectual growth, they have been trained as parrots and manipulated as puppets. Where does he get his independence of mind?
In this case, the teacher should not be angry, but should happily affirm the child's words, even if they are slightly embarrassing to her. A child's mind is very simple, and he certainly does not think as much as the teacher does. Since it is the teacher who has done something wrong and the child has come to the parents for help, the parents should at least show understanding by telling the child that his idea is correct and that he is to be commended for finding something that no one else has found; at the same time, tell the child that the teacher should not be upset; but since the teacher is not used to being told this, we should not say such things in class in the future. Unfortunately, the mother was not concerned about how the words would affect her child, but they certainly did, and they were negative.
Another mother told me about this incident.
Her son, who was in fourth grade, forgot to bring home a math paper from his teacher one day, and doing the paper was homework for that day. In order to finish the homework on time, the child went to a classmate down the hall from his house and borrowed the paper, copied all the questions in the format of the paper, and finished them. This actually increases the amount of homework the child has to do because copying a paper is not an easy task for a small child. When the assignment is finished, the child is happy that he didn't miss his homework because he forgot to bring the paper back, and he even feels that the teacher will praise him for it.
The next day after school, the child cried as soon as he saw his mother. It turned out that the teacher said that the paper he had copied himself did not count and that the child should redo it on the original paper. When the child did not want to do it, the teacher called him to the office and asked him to redo it, otherwise he would not be allowed to go home from school. The child had to write while crying and was in a very bad mood. When the teacher saw the child like this, she said, "You seem to be very upset with the teacher, let your mother come to see me at the end of the school day.
The mother took the child to the office to see the math teacher. The math teacher told the mother that it was not right to forget to bring the paper, and that he was punished so that he would not lose it in the future, and that it was not for his own good to write the paper more than once to learn it more solidly.
Although the mother felt that the teacher's words were far-fetched, but she did not dare to debate with the teacher, so she repeatedly thanked the teacher, led the child home. After returning home, the child is still in a bad mood, she enlightened the child that the teacher has a point, punish you once after you will not lose the volume of the classroom, and write more than once can learn more once, you should listen to the teacher, the teacher is for your own good.
This parent, although using this and the teacher to unify the words to educate their children, but after she finished, she saw her children very unhappy, their own heart is not comfortable, so some doubt that they said this is right. Afterwards, she asked me confusedly, "What do you think I should do when I encounter this situation?
This parent's confusion is very representative, in her heart there are actually two sets of values, one set is in line with the secular concept that teachers know education, teachers do everything for the good of children, and cannot seem to be doubted and criticized; the other set is her heart's desire, that is, children should be respected, and not to punish children with such a way of work. When these two sets of values clash, she chooses the former, which may be related to the individual's usual lack of critical spirit, insufficient judgment at critical moments, and subconsciously acts with the set of inherent in the concept. But one's mouth cannot coax one's own heart nor the hearts of others, so both she and the child are sad.
I said to this parent that you are right to discipline yourself in front of the teacher. If we are not sure we can change the teacher's mind about something, there is no need to rush to discuss with the teacher who is right and who is wrong, and never offend your child's teacher. But it's not necessary to talk to your child that way when you get home. You should say what you really think and talk to your child about it from a very objective standpoint. Think about how much the child wants to be understood by the parents at this time. The parent's eyes showed a hint of surprise, as if she wanted to get a confirmation from me, and she asked, "Do you also think that the teacher is wrong?
I said, "It is obvious that the teacher did not handle the matter properly. It was wrong for the child to forget to take the paper, but the child actively tried to find a way to borrow the paper from a classmate, recopied it, and finished the assignment on time. If the teacher can see the positive side of the child in this incident and look at the child with appreciation, he should give praise as the child expects. At least not say anything. But by focusing on the child's faults and very foolishly using the homework as a punishment, and finding a grand excuse that it was for the child's own good, he made the child feel that the teacher was both harsh and forceful.
The parent probably thought I had a point and nodded her head, but she still acted like she was very unsure of herself and said to me, "Do I just tell my son that the teacher did something wrong? Can I say that to my child?
I understood her uneasiness and told her that telling a child that the teacher did something wrong is not at all the same thing as badmouthing the teacher behind her back, and that she should be open-minded in this regard. Teachers are ordinary people, and ordinary people make some mistakes. So of course you can tell your child frankly that the teacher is not doing the right thing.
I saw the parent's face was difficult, so I told her again that over the years we have gotten used to not criticizing teachers, as if whatever they say or do to children is right. The fact is that the threshold of entry into the profession of primary and secondary school teachers in China is not high, and those who become teachers are not subjected to moral screening and quality examinations higher than those of other professions, and they do not even have a significant advantage over people in some other professions in terms of education. It would be very unobjective to assume that teachers are without error, and such a perception is actually an illusory expectation that puts pressure on teachers but does not benefit their professional growth. The quality of the future teaching force should be higher, and their proper qualities and the qualities they already have may match better; but we still cannot say that because a person is a teacher, he becomes a person without flaws.
My words may have surprised the parent, but she also seemed much relieved. She thought about it and still had some concerns and said, "I have always taught my child to respect his teacher, will this lower the teacher's prestige and the teacher will not be able to control him in the future?
I said, this is actually an important reason why you dare not say to your child that the teacher is wrong. But this worry is superfluous. We should respect teachers, but we should not enshrine them as authorities. A common mistake throughout society now is to establish the teacher as the authority in front of the students, and this phenomenon is especially serious in elementary schools. The relationship between teachers and students everywhere reveals an extreme sense of strength and weakness, sovereign and subject, knowledge and ignorance, right and wrong. This is wrong, and it is what causes children to disrespect their teachers. Who in their right mind would respect an authority that makes them less comfortable? Telling a child that the teacher is doing something wrong is not teaching him to disrespect the teacher, it is teaching him to have the courage to question authority. Don't underestimate children. No child is badly managed or disrespectful if they are managed correctly. In fact, children are very well-intentioned, they naturally have admiration and respect for teachers, we just do not lead him down the wrong path, by feeling he will find that right path. When faced with a respectable teacher, his admiration cannot be stopped.
It seems that my words had an effect on the mother, and she asked me: What exactly should I do and how should I talk to my child about this?
I said, "If it were up to me, this is how I would probably handle it. First of all, if you feel that you can communicate with the teacher, it would be best to communicate and let the teacher realize that such "kindness" is not a good thing for the child. The logic that an extra assignment will make the child learn more solidly does not hold true everywhere, and when a child has resentment in his or her heart, doing more is much worse than doing less. Many good-hearted teachers actually they are very open to parents' opinions, and they have a learning and growing process themselves as teachers. If you feel you can't communicate with the teacher, then say nothing and never get upset with the teacher. But when you get home, by all means talk to your child head on.
The next words this is probably what the parent wants to know at the moment, her eyes are full of expectation. I say that when you guide your child to recognize something or sort out a thought, it's best to use a question-and-answer approach. Let the child be guided by the parent to speak out the idea and sort out the thought, which is more effective than unilateral reasoning by the parent.
For example, in this case, you can first ask your child if he or she feels unhappy and aggrieved; you should first reassure your child's emotions and show your understanding. Then ask your child if he or she thinks the teacher did something wrong, where he or she did something wrong, what the meaning of writing homework is, whether the teacher's behavior achieved this meaning, how the teacher's perception of an insignificant paper reflects his perception, what is the main difference between this perception and the child's perception, whose perception is better for learning, how the teacher did it right, and how you would handle it if you were the teacher. During the question and answer process, be sure to be objective and fair in your personal thoughts, do not speak with emotion, and aim at the question itself, not at the teacher. Through a series of questions and answers, the child understands that the fundamental mistake in this matter is the teacher's wrong concept, so he or she can refuse to rewrite the paper again and have the courage to say no when encountering similar things in the future.
The parent nodded uncontrollably, and it seemed that her thinking was becoming clearer, but she still had one big concern. She said, now the school management is more strict, although the teacher does not scold the child, but in case this makes the teacher angry, give the child small shoes to wear how?
I said, in general, the teacher may be angry at the time, but after the matter has passed should not be with the child. If you are unfortunate enough to encounter a narrow-minded person who gives your child cold violence, parents should quickly coordinate the relationship between the child and the teacher. Such a person is abominable, but it is easy enough for parents to think of ways to communicate with the teacher afterwards, to make a good relationship with the teacher, and to take care that this relationship is maintained until he stops teaching the child. Never let your child go through this kind of cold violence alone.
I thought about it for a moment and added that I don't agree that it's not a serious situation to bring to the attention of the school director. If you don't get it right, the teacher will think you snitched on him and he will be emotionally resistant. After all, he is also an ordinary person who does not want to be told anything behind his back, and especially does not want someone to report him to the leaders.
The parents couldn't stop nodding their heads. In my heart, I also hoped that these words would work for her.
Teaching is a respected profession. We should always teach our children to respect their teachers, but not to be stereotypical and go overboard in this matter. Children should be allowed to question certain actions of their teachers, to criticize them, and to have their own ideas and practices in front of them. If parents reprimand or mock their child for these things, they are not only suppressing the child's critical thinking, but they are also teaching him to say things that are not true to his heart, making the child pretentious and slavish in his thinking later. Children can become radicalized as they develop their own independent thoughts. Even if they are radical, we must first look at them with an affirmative attitude, analyze the child's ideas, and then objectively guide him to form a correct understanding, which is the task of education.
In addition, a person with a critical spirit is a person with individuality; and anything that is individual must be unique, unique will always conflict with mediocrity. Parents should encourage their children to develop their personalities while guiding them to understand and accept all kinds of people and things. A healthy critical spirit should have an open perspective and a high degree of tolerance.
Dewey, an American educator, said, "The freedom of reason is the only freedom that is ever important. This quote reminds us that independence and freedom of thought are important, and that one's reason must not be shackled. It is a very important concept in children's education, and it is worthy of parents' and teachers' constant attention, deep reflection and practice.
Special Tips
For primary and secondary school children, especially those in elementary school, the cultivation of critical consciousness does not necessarily require the child to come up with any new ideas, but rather to dare to speak his or her mind in the first place. The most typical example is for children to be willing to question something a teacher says or does.
Telling a child that a teacher is doing something wrong is not at all the same thing as badmouthing the teacher behind her back, and there should be openness in this regard.
● When you guide your child to understand something or sort out an idea, it is best to use a question-and-answer approach. It is better to teach children to speak out their ideas and sort out the construction of their thoughts with the guidance of their parents than to have them reason unilaterally.
● We should always teach our children to respect their teachers, but not to be stereotypical and overdo it in this matter. Children should be allowed to question certain actions of the teacher, to criticize the teacher, and to have their own ideas and practices in front of the teacher. If parents reprimand or mock their child for these things, not only are they suppressing the child's critical thinking, but they are also teaching him to say things that are not true to his heart, so that the child becomes pretentious and slavish in his thinking later.
A healthy critical spirit should be open-minded and high-minded, and therefore should have a tolerant temperament.