If you look into those children who are retreating and want to give up when things go wrong, you will find a commonality in them, namely the lack of self-confidence.
How to develop self-confidence? Two steps. The first is that things work. Second, the thing is that I did it.
Self-confidence doesn't come out of anywhere. It's not just something you say you love your child, and your child will have it. The child has to be tied to a successful event. The more "I can" experiences a child has, the more self-confidence he or she will have.
So, those parents who love their children, please stop your over-prescription and substitution. The result of your over-intervention is that your child either thinks he or she can do anything or that he or she is worthless, both of which result in low self-esteem.
Second, more understanding and support, less criticism and blame, to inspire your child to change his or her self-perception.
If you find that your child often has the feeling of "I can't", we need to reflect on whether the usual requirements for children are too harsh, too critical, resulting in the formation of the wrong self-perception of children, do things with low self-confidence.
To change your child's perception, just say to your child "You're great! "You can do it!" It is not enough to just say "You're great!", "You can do it!" and so on. We also need to observe every little progress our children make, find out what they do well, and tell them sincerely, so that they can gradually regain their self-confidence and change their original wrong self-perception.
Third, give the child a medium difficulty task, so that the child can "jump" to reach.
The Soviet psychologist Vygotsky introduced the concept of the "zone of the most recent development", which is very enlightening for how we view the difficulty of tasks given to children.
The "nearest developmental zone" refers to the gap between a child's actual developmental level of independent problem solving and his or her potential developmental level of problem-solving under adult guidance or in cooperation with competent peers. To put it simply, the tasks we provide to our children should be above their current level and within their "reach", not "out of their reach".
So, when we see that our children do not want to try, we can also reflect on whether the task is too difficult for the child, or the child really needs our help, perhaps we adjust the difficulty of the task, or give the child appropriate help, the child can continue to move forward to achieve the goal.
Fourth, encourage the process of your child's efforts more, and praise your childless for his or her intelligence and results.
Since inappropriate praise may hinder a child's courage to try in the face of difficulties, how do we motivate our children to persevere and not give up?
In his book "The Child: A Guide to the Child, " the American child psychologist and educator Rudolph Drexel says that the child's ability to do what he wants to do can be a great help. In his book "Children: The Challenge", Drax says, "Children need encouragement like plants to need water. Without encouragement, a child's character cannot develop healthily, and the child has no sense of belonging."
Encouragement is different from praise. Encouragement is directed at the process and attitude of a child's work, for example, "Mommy is proud of you for seeing how carefully you have been doing your homework this week." Praise is more about the results, for example, "Mommy saw that you got 100 points on your English test this week and is happy for you."
Fifth, encourage your child to make more friends.
It has been proven that people who have regular life and a circle of people to hang out with on a regular basis are healthier and happier. The same is true for children. Children who are kept at home all day may become increasingly introverted, timid, and depressed. Human interaction in itself can bring children a greater sense of being and belonging, feeling loved and loved, needed and needed. And when children have their own circle of friends, they can have more opportunities to talk and get comfort and support, and strengthen their courage to face frustration.
In fact, the fundamental way to combat frustration is to let children learn to self-motivate, and learn to use their own sunshine to dispel the negative and darkness, rather than simply rely on parents and outside forces. Be a sun that shines and glows automatically, not a moon that reflects the sun's light, so that children can have the ability to resist setbacks!