We created a child with the responsibility not only to grow him up, but also to make him happy.
After we settled in Yantai, we had to change trains in Beijing when we returned home to Inner Mongolia, and we usually couldn't catch the same day's bus and needed to stay overnight in Beijing. The first time we took this route home, when Yuan Yuan was 5 years old, was before the Chinese New Year.
My husband and I took Yuan Yuan's little hand and pulled two big bags out of the Beijing train station in the crowd. During the Spring Festival rush, there were really many people like ants. After we left the station, we managed to find a small piece of open space, put our bags on the ground, and discussed where to stay. There were many small hotels in the square soliciting business, but we didn't dare to look for those people for fear of being cheated or running too far, so we wanted to find a cheap and clean hotel near us, so that it would be convenient to get on the train the next day.
Looking around, the tall buildings are so thick that we are confused. Yuan Yuan asked impatiently, "Daddy, where are we going to stay?"
We had already talked about where to live on the train. Live and clean and easy to find the high-end hotel is too expensive, do not want to spend that money; live in the cheap, but also afraid of unclean; cost-effective suitable, these days are estimated to be full, near may not be easy to find. Finally, we lamented that if we had money, we wouldn't have to be so difficult, just find a five-star hotel to stay in. Although Yuan Yuan will not participate in the conversation, but she can feel our difficulties. She had an experience of staying in a small hotel when she was 3 years old, and for some reason she felt uncomfortable and refused to even touch the sheets there, so we had to hold her asleep to put her to bed. So her question at this point was actually full of worry and her little heart was in a hurry.
Her father re-bent down to lift the box, pointing to a high-rise luxury hotel in front of him, and said in an exaggerated tone, "Go, let's stay in a five-star hotel!" Yuan Yuan was surprised, really? Seeing that she was serious, we laughed and quickly told her dad that he was joking and that we should find a cheaper hotel nearby and just make do for one night. Yuan Yuan was a little frustrated.
With the suitcase and her little hand, we walked around and noticed where there were suitable hotels. When passing by the upscale hotel pointed out by the gentleman just now, I saw the porter dressed neatly and courteously opening the door for the guests and sending them into the hotel lobby, with a gentlemanly manner. The round eyes showed an envious look. I secretly laugh at this little guy, draw a cake to her hunger, said to her: when you grow up to earn a lot of money, live in a five-star hotel, OK. This makes Yuan Yuan very fascinated, excitedly planning to say: I want to earn a lot of money when I grow up, and live in a five-star hotel every day! Her father and I both laughed and said, "Good, when you have money, you will live in a five-star hotel every day!"
Yuan Yuan suddenly remembered something and asked us, "What is it like in a five-star hotel, what is there?"
I said, "There are very clean beds, bed sheets sheets pillowcases are very clean, the bed is very comfortable to sleep on."
This made Yuan Yuan a little surprised, "This is not the same as our home, our home bed is clean and comfortable." Obviously this answer did not satisfy her.
I thought about it and said, "There is also a very clean bathroom, washbasin and tub can be used with confidence, do not need to be afraid to use its washbasin like a small hotel."
My addition was still unexpected for Yuan Yuan, but it gave her some relief. "Our home bathroom on clean, it can be used with confidence ...... what else ah?"
I thought about it again and said, "There is twenty-four hour hot water, what time you want to take a bath."
Yuan Yuan immediately contrasted again and said, "Our home can also want to take a shower, there is hot water every day!"
I laughed, yes, how to have a five-star hotel, our home have it! Let me think about it again. At this time her father said, "There is a refrigerator in the room of a five-star hotel, which has beer and drinks, so you can drink when you want."
When Yuan Yuan heard that, he was even more surprised, "That is also the same as our home, our home also has a refrigerator, there are also beer and drinks, you can drink. We also have a lot of delicious food in our fridge ...... What else is there?"
We think again, can not think of anything new, said five-star hotels have almost home have, also these. This is the only way to get the most out of your home, and she heartily exclaimed, "So our home is the same as a five-star hotel!"
Her father and I both laughed. I said, "Really, how come I didn't notice it before, our house is just like a five-star hotel."
Yuan Yuan was so excited by this unexpected discovery, and her face was so happy that she no longer looked worried and envious just now. She wanted to confirm it further, so she asked her father, "Dad, do you think our house is the same as a five-star hotel?"
Dad also looked at this time with a sudden realization, "Well, it is the same. So we have been living in a five-star hotel, I didn't know it before, but luckily you found it out!"
Yuan Yuan's little red face was full of splendor, she was so happy. At this point we walked up to a hotel with an okay-looking facade and were ready to go in. Yuan Yuan looked very open at this point. She stayed in a five-star hotel every day, so it's no big deal to stay in a small hotel once in a while today. I teased her with what I just said: "You can earn a lot of money in the future, you can live in a real five-star hotel every day, so you don't have to come to this kind of place."
Yuan Yuan said, "I don't live in a five-star hotel, I live at home every day." I asked why, she said, "Our home is a five-star hotel, there are still mom and dad at home."
Children are simply angels, her words are taught by God. Yes, what kind of luxury can compare to the whole family being happy together. A house with love is a home, a family living happily together, that is in heaven on earth!
The famous Taiwanese scholar Fu Pei-rong said: If people do not have a good family environment, it is difficult to start a normal life.
All parents are trying to create a good life for their children, all want to make home a happy paradise for their children. But how many people are using the wrong method, they are making efforts to move things to the home at the same time, inadvertently the atmosphere of the home spoiled, so that the home does not move into a couple's interests gladiatorial, a cold and lifeless palace. The happiness that the child should have, in such a family do not know lost a lot.
I know a family, the couple are very good people, the husband has a successful career, the wife is beautiful and capable, there is a cute and clever daughter. Their life should have had "five-star" comfort, but they lived a good life into a "small hotel" class.
There is no major conflict between the two of them, and they care about each other, but they do not deal with each other on some trivial matters, often arguing, no one is defeated, always think that the other should give in. In the family economy is not too generous years, they often quarrel because of economic problems; to the family bought a car and two suites, the material conditions have been very superior, and because of different views on the education of children and other things to quarrel. In short, what conflicts in life need to be resolved, what is the reason for their quarrel. After the quarrel, there is often a cold war and they don't talk for a month or two. The idea of divorce has arisen, but there is nothing essential contradiction, each other does not want to really leave, the days have been in the twisted down. Now that they are middle-aged, they finally understand the pointlessness of the original fight, their relationship has improved greatly and they have started a new life, but the bad influence of the children growing up is irreversible.
The little girl has been living in such a family atmosphere with fear and trepidation. She does not know when her parents will fight, and she becomes nervous and sensitive, and she shows panic when anyone speaks a little louder, no matter what the occasion is. She grew up wishing that one of her parents would go on a business trip, because then there would be a few days of peace in the house. In the midst of her parents' constant bickering and cold war, the girl is now in middle school. She is depressed, grumpy, underachieving, and unsure of herself, giving her parents a terrible headache. They are now most worried that their child will not be able to stand on her own feet if she fails to get into college. They now work harder to earn money, as if they want to give their child enough assets to last a lifetime. But no matter how much money they make, they don't feel safe and satisfied when they think about their children.
It is certainly impossible to have a family life without conflict, and as the saying goes, there is no such thing as a couple that doesn't fight, and a good family relationship doesn't mean just a peaceful one.
My husband and I often have conflicts too, but we usually avoid rounding up and solving the problem between the two of us as soon as possible. If you can't avoid it, you have to try to restrain yourself, at least not to scare the children with the quarrel. Sometimes we also ask Yuan Yuan to come out and do justice, we believe that children's views are often more objective. We sincerely listen to her views and find out our own problems from the child's perspective. Although she was often "unfair" when she was young and unconsciously biased towards me, this at least made her father aware of his child's wishes and he would admit his mistakes out of his desire to fulfill her wishes. I often give in to her father, and if I find that he is very angry, or if I want to end the argument as soon as possible, I will put aside my "principles" and "reasons" and take the initiative to admit my mistakes and make up to him. Our arguments were always quick and never dragged on to the next day, not letting the depressing atmosphere hang over our family for a long time. Parental behavior shows children that it is normal for people to have some conflicts with each other, and it is the attitude that is important to resolve them.
Marriage is one of the most profound human relationships in which human truth, cultural literacy, values, the ability to love, etc., are expressed in such a relationship. It is an autobiography of life written by two adults together, an enlightening textbook for their dearest children to feel the happiness of life, to experience the beauty of life, and to know the relationship between human beings.
Even if it is a divorce, as long as it is rational and decent, it is better than the endless arguments that make the children suffer. Philosopher Fromm said: "When an unhappy marriage faces dissolution, the stereotypical argument between parents is that they cannot separate lest they deprive their children of the happiness that an intact family brings. However, any in-depth study shows that a tense and unpleasant atmosphere in the family is more harmful to children than a public breakup, which at least teaches them that one can end an intolerable life situation by a courageous decision."
Parents often try to save more money for their children, when in reality no amount of money can buy their happiness. Possessions can be lost today and recovered tomorrow, but once a child's growing happiness and educational opportunities are lost, they can never be recovered. Giving children a happy home, allowing them to grow up healthy both physically and psychologically, and become a harmoniously developed person physically and mentally, is the richest wealth that parents can give their children and enjoy for a lifetime.
If the state of the family can be labeled like a hotel, there is no higher level than a harmonious and happy family atmosphere. The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older, the appliances can be less, but the love and intimacy must be more - a happy home is a five-star hotel.
I would like to quote another passage from the philosopher Fromm here to share with parents.
The land that God promised to Abraham and his descendants (land is often a symbol of maternal love) is depicted as "milk and honey flowing everywhere". Milk is a symbol of the first aspect of love, a symbol of care and affirmation. Honey is a symbol of the sweetness of life, the happiness of living and the love of life. Most mothers are able to give "milk", but only a few are able to give "honey". In order to give honey to a child, a mother must not only be a "good mother" but also a happy mother - the influence of a mother on her child cannot be exaggerated. A mother's love for life is as infectious to her child as her anxiety. Both attitudes have a profound effect on the whole personality of the child. Indeed, one can distinguish among children - and adults - who are given only "milk" and who are given both "milk" and "honey".
We have created a child with a responsibility not only to grow it up, but also to make it happy.
A house is a home only when there is love. It is difficult for a person to unfold a normal life without a good family environment.
● Marriage is one of the most profound human relationships. Human truth, cultural literacy, values, the ability to love, etc., are all expressed in such a relationship. It is an autobiography of life written by two adults together, an enlightening textbook for their dearest children to feel the happiness of life, to experience the beauty of life, and to know the relationship between human beings.
Even divorce, if it is rational and decent, is better than the endless arguments that make children suffer. A tense and unpleasant atmosphere in the family is more harmful to children than a public breakup. The latter at least teaches children that one can end an intolerable life situation by making a courageous decision.
Educational toys can be used to prompt children's learning abilities