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How to educate kids when their lie-Woodmam

Any child is perfect when he is just born, he doesn't have the habit of lying and doesn't know what lying is all about. The reason why he behaves or has the habit today is very often because we teach them that children are very good at reading words. Why do children lie? As you know, in the first survey on the status of parent-child communication in Chinese families held by the Harmonious Family Foundation not long ago, we saw that the main reason why parents beat their children is lying. Many parents are confused about why their children lie and how to deal with it. Therapists in child psychotherapy like to say that there is a reason behind any child's antisocial behavior and that antisocial behavior is behavior that is not accepted by mainstream social values, such as truancy, lying, and hitting. After all, children are too young, even though they are in school but not yet adults, so they are not as mature and have so many ways to deal with some difficulties as we do. When he does not know how to express his inner fears, insecurities, or even just simply being sick and physically unwell, he will use some methods to attract the attention of his parents. That's why we would say that there is a motivation to ask for help behind any child's antisociality. To put it bluntly, when you see a child behaving antisocially, one thing you have to try to do is not just see the behavior, you have to look around the behavior to see what kind of motive is behind it, what he is crying out for, what he is asking for help. Why do children have the bad habit of lying? Maybe he's asking for help, maybe he's at his wits' end and doesn't know what to do, so he uses antisocial behavior to get his parents' attention. The best way is that first of all we should not be angered by the antisocial behavior, because being angered we will make some excessive punishment, both to not see the truth and may make the child's behavior more aggravated. You can start by not looking at the antisocial behavior and see what he is really asking for help, and you may find that things are not as serious as you think. This is something I make sure to make clear to parents, you should not be so anxious, many times it is because our anxiety worsens or reinforces the child's behavior. Why does a child lie? Generally speaking, the main reason is that if he tells the truth he may be beaten, scolded, or punished, so he is not sure if he can tell the truth. He is sometimes accompanied by a lot of frustration, for example, obviously not as tall as others, obviously can not beat other children, when going to kindergarten the teacher always likes to call others to answer questions not him, when his parents are not present he is full of frustration and can not say, so he pretends to be very good, he thinks so say mom and dad will like him and approve him, this is the first point. The second point, human beings have a capacity called self-defense ability, if this thing I want very much but I can not, I may weave a dream for myself, this dream makes me believe that I got what I want, and in the end I really believe that I weave this dream, I will be happier. This self-defense mechanism is digesting and rationalizing your own frustration. So some kids don't feel like they are lying when they lie, because he really believes the lie he is telling, and after believing it they will be comforted and feel comfortable. The third possibility is that he finds it funny that a mother says he obviously ate steamed buns today and then says he ate rolls or buns today, and then he is happy when he sees the mother's angry expression. So there is a particularly sad possibility that the child is lying, that is, he is self-soothing, or he may be avoiding being punished, or he may be simply being naughty. If you are sure that your child is lying, see which possibility it is and what the reason behind it is, and then address the reason accordingly. If it's that he's really lying because he's afraid of being punished, you can tell him I'd rather you tell me the truth and I won't punish you if you tell me the truth, but you must do that. If the child is rationalizing his anxiety or frustration, we need to help him achieve in other ways. If the child is naughty, you should not reinforce this, the best way can be to ignore it, that is, you pretend not to hear him tell lies, otherwise he will play more and more happily. Of course, some children are very good at saying things to please their parents, and some are not. There are also children who are told by their parents that they are not allowed to lie, but they find that their parents do not mean what they say when they entertain guests at home, and it is clear that the father does not like this person, but when this person comes, the father will say I really like you, the child will feel very strange, this must have an impact on the child so that the child feels that lying is sometimes justified.

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