I read a fable. A farmer was given a piece of jade and wanted to carve it into a beautiful piece of work, but the tool in his hand was a hoe. Soon the jade turned into smaller pieces, which were always shaped like stones, and lost more and more of their value.
The young parents also get a piece of jade - a lovely child - and the result years later is that some get a satisfying piece, and some watch the jade change with increasing disappointment. The difference between the two is that the latter uses, often, a hoe.
But who would consider themselves that stupid? Modern people are very confident.
I know a doctor who is personally very good at both doing his studies, doing his work and dealing with people. He got a son in middle age and cherished it like a treasure. He knows that being a person is more important than being a scholar, so he pays special attention to the character development of his children. His child was just 2 years old and often played by himself without listening to adults talking to him. The father, who believed that manners should be cultivated from an early age, was anxious to see his child like this, so he would go over to him and take the things out of his hands, telling him seriously that adults must answer when they talk to you. The child did not care about his words, cried and fussed, and afterwards always "repeated"; he pulled his son out of playing again and again, and criticized and educated him. He said firmly, "I have to correct my child's bad behavior!
The doctor did not know that a 2-year-old child has not yet established the concept of human interaction. Talking about manners to such a young child is like playing the piano to a cow; not only will he not understand, he will be frightened. Most importantly, he is at the critical stage of understanding the world, curious about everything, a small piece of paper, half a cigarette butt can make him obsessed. Children's intellectual development, attention, interest development are inseparable from this "addiction". This seemingly boring play is the child's "prep work" for future real learning studies. Interrupting your child on a regular basis for no good reason will destroy his attention span, making it difficult for him to concentrate on a task in the future, as well as losing interest in exploring things. In addition, frequent conflicts between parents and children caused by "polite education" can lead to cognitive overwhelm and disrupt the normal psychological growth of the child, making him irritable and hostile to the environment, which affects the development of character.
The doctor in no way doubts that he is a master in making jade, but does not know that he is using the very hoe at this time - the mistakes in home education are thus inadvertently produced, making the result and the desire to go against the grain, which is the most regrettable and painful place.
Over the past few years, I have come into contact with many parents, more often than not, parents of so-called "problem children". I have seen a common phenomenon in different cases: some small mistakes made by parents unintentionally, accumulating over time, will slowly form a big problem that seriously disturbs the child, bringing profound pain to the child and even distorting the child's mind. It is not that parents are not loving enough, they just do not know that some practices are not right.
There is a Western proverb: "The road to hell is sometimes paved with good intentions." Yes, what parent has bad educational intentions? When there is a huge contrast between good intentions and the disappointing results that follow, many parents complain about the child himself or herself, saying that the child himself or herself is not a good fighter and was born a rotten piece of wood that cannot be carved - this is an obvious argument - if the problem is in the child's nature If the problem is brought about by the child's nature, what is the child's own fault, just as the size of the eyes can not be blamed on the individual; if the problem can only be solved by the child's own "fight", where is the function of the so-called "education"?
Some people also attribute some problems in individual education to macro factors such as "society", "policy" and "era". The most typical example of this attribution habit is that in recent years, no matter what negative events happen in schools, schools and elementary schools, people always come to the "education system" to find the cause, and in the end, the board basically has to hit the "college entrance examination". The college entrance examination - the most equitable education policy in our country at present - has now become the scapegoat, the "culprit" for all education problems.
No country in the world has an education system that is so perfect that it can solve every student's individual problems. Each child is a unique world, and his growth depends on the "educational environment" created by the parents and teachers with whom he comes into contact, and which directly surrounds him. The ecological condition of this small environment is the decisive factor that really affects the child's growth.
As the key person who has the earliest and longest contact with the child, parents are the main creators of the "small environment" - how they guide the child in every little thing in daily life, how they handle the relationship with the child, almost every detail contains Almost every detail contains some kind of educational opportunity. The level of attention to detail distinguishes whether a parent is holding a hoe or a carving knife - it makes all the difference in a child's world and future.
In this book, I have written many details and given many approaches to the various problems of child development. No matter how different these "methods" are, they are all based on some common educational concepts - "methods" are important, but no amount of methods can exhaust all the educational problems a person The right educational philosophy is like a universal key that can unlock different knots. On the surface, each article in this book appears to be about a particular issue independently, but in fact all the ideas and methods have an internal logical consistency. When you have read all the articles here, you will have a clear conceptual framework to enter your mind - when you encounter various problems, you will basically understand what you should do, and the "method" will come to you naturally.
I hope this book will be useful to parents, especially young parents.
Raising a good child is not only responsible for the family, but also for the development of the nation and the future society. The right way of education is a fine carving knife; the wrong way of education is a hoe - when we have a jade stone in our hands, we must do it right.